Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
