Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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