Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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