it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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