I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
