What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If I die, sorry about rent.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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