Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
