sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
