i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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