He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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