Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
