Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
