two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
we're so committed to being not committed
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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