I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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