Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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