She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
