I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
