i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
