dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
