why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
