Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
