You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
