I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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