i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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