i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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