i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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