Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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