We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
