I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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