Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
