I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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