I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
