You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
