Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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