someone threw a dead crab at me
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
