soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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