Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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