Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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