life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
