i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize