my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
