u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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