The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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