Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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