Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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