she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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