I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
