The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
