false alarm. still invincible.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
