Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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