bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
