i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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