I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
