I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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