apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
