what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
