ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
