I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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