lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
