I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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