M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
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