I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
