even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
