I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
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I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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