honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Use "feeling words"
Yay
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
