I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
