oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My vagina is officially offended.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
