just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
