Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I love you. Go after that dick
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
