Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
