my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
