i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
