i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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