I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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