Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
barbara walters just said penis...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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