I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
