Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
